eifishajwketyvyjvooajebrfkziajqjrog

Well. Elation, followed by misery, followed by elation, followed by elation at being with a certain person, followed by worry, and by being belated... which leads to sadness.

Why is it so wrong to do what makes me happy? Because this makes me happy. I am very, very happy with recent happenings. I kinda hella dig 3 of the people at that house...

But daaayyyyyuuuummmmm. Joe is fucking hot. And gives an incredible massage. And, you know, is super fucking hot. Butterflies and such!!!!!

I hope I don't fuck everything up. And, I hope these people continue to be my friends. They make me feel exciting and wanted.

Now, to decide what I should do tonight......

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Wowzers.

Last night was fucking EPIC. So much whiskey. So much Kpop. So much craziness. So much....... sexy time with Joe Graham while Jurassic Park was on? I also got a bitchin massage. And all sorts of other nice bits of attention. Woke up for a snuggle and some Jersey Shore before work. I'm quite elated.

That boy is delish. And has a lot of anime.

My Pokeball bra was a success!!!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Heartache By The Number

I, once again, reiterated to Erik how I need freedom to explore myself right now. He, once again, was having none of that. However, in the bit of time I had before a meeting, I just told him how I am going to do things, and that is that.

I feel bad... and, I do love Erik... but, I need to take care of myself.

Ughhh, I'm so worried and nervous.

On a brighter note, I watched some delightfully violent movies with Taylor and her roommate Fort last night. It was excellent! Going back tomorrow. Yippee!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

OMG

OMG OMG OMG FFSMML! Help! I am on the rack of red bottomosity.... girdy loins girdy loins.....

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Our Lord Sandra... FFSMML!!!!

I like that my phone recognizes FFSMML as a word.

So I had a rather.... um.... disturbing, if not, in some ways pleasant dream.

I dreamt that Nephew's baby mama killed him, then herself, and I found them dead in a truck near Springville....
Afterward, I was very distraught, but Erik was like, ignoring the fact, and went off with Sher'l.
So, in my distraught mind, I made Jamin pick me up in a helicopter that shot fire (?), and we partied. Then I made sexy time with a certain boy who lives at the HQ and a certain female roommate of his. Christy walked in in the middle, because she was mad that I hadn't put my taco wallet in my vag as a "surprise".......?

Jesus.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

weird.

I DO still like guys.
Weirdy weird weird.
I love Erik... but...
I need to see other people.
And I want to see other guys, too.
I'm curious.
I wish I could have the freedom I've given Erik. But.... things are always on his terms.

My friends are not receptive when I need to talk about it as of late.

Ugh.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Kosher?

Well, Greg's pre-birthday was a success. Normalcy has thus far alluded me.

My life is an absolute mess. I don't even know what to do about it.

I feel so absolutely dissociative.
I haven't been this crazy, or ill, in quite some time. I've been going through the motions, but, things are not the same.

Something changed when Erik decided he was "in love" with that girl. And I don't think I can fix things.

I know the logical choice would be to just move out, and do something new.

But I don't know what I should do.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5